Senin, 25 Juli 2016

2 in 1


be friends with ex's ex like



That moment when you find out or somebody told you that your boyfriend is cheated on you.... and then he admits his mistakes with a lot of act of regrets and ask you a chance, your heart like "yes give him a one more chance."

That moment when you're at the position as 'the other women' no matter how much time he always spent with you or no matter how he keeps always come back with begging, making you as "the only-other woman'... And then he admits his mistakes and ask you to be patient to make all good and 'clear' all the mess with a lot of act that he's actually choosing you, your heart like "yes give him a one more time."



You know what's exactly happening?
He don't know what he really wants but he only know what he don't want: to see you both leave and stop loving him.
and when you both being manipulated with all his "storytelling" that make yourself like the only one or the very special one... you both started to against each other with so much hate in your mind like "you bitch get the fuck out from our relationship" and the other like "not me you psycho weak girl you're the only who won't let him go."

Here i share you a thing to remember based from my true story. so next time if you guys are NEW at these position... you won't waste your time-too-long to hold on to something that yourself totally not deserved.





1. If he do really loves you (or at least knew what is a real love) he definitely won't destroys you.
Sure. We're not perfect. We all have flaws. But only the one with a real love can see the imperfection as perfection and the real couple will always make the relationship work out by accepting each other flaws..... WITHOUT playing a mess in the name of "can't deal with your shit".
Just because you bad at something doesn't mean he can do the wrong thing like that's a right thing. A real man don't make her girl waiting or begging. A real man don't play with feelings just because he's unsure with what he really feels. A real man choose to leave than stay for making a scars. So darling, do you still think he really worths your heart?





2. You know the truth by how the way it is not by how the way he makes you feel.
You hate this girl. And this girl hates you. Let's started from the very simple question.... "Why?" why do you hate her?
You both mocking each other like you both really know for a long time.
This girl says a bad thing about you because she judged you from a very first thing that she heard. And you say a bad thing about her because you judged her by a thing that you knew. What is the different from that situation dude?
You're hating each other because he puts you both as a trouble maker.
You may often heard his defensive word like "i knew i was wrong. my bad, my mistake..." then there's always next sentence by using the "....but"
You know there's always another story in one-side of story. So it's ok to meet 'the other', ask directly from her like "what makes you such a bitch" or "why can't you stop" Yeah i know curiosity is often leads to trouble. But if the trouble is 'the truth' that's why those who wonders don't always get lost. Don't make him always make you listening for a thing that you only want to hear. Isn't it so much better to losing someone but you can find yourself back?


3. He left you but he makes you stay.
If you listening and think with a straight logic.. This must be a word of a Mr. Nice Guy saying "if i don't love you i won't be here" or "i did it for us. can't you see? (With tears falling wow)" or "i was wrong i'm sorry but i really don't mean it, i love you."
Dejavu? If you always heard that from him anytime like EVERY TIME, you know you're living in circle of "something of nothing". he always puts you to be the happiest person to get you comfortable, then one day he stopped after you being comfortable. With so many unreasonable reasons. Tell me, if that is love then why it always hurting you at the end? And you know exactly that what hurting you the most is your mind that denying the fact that he won't never changes. He built your hope then drop it off to a million pieces. That's not love, that's more like a selfish-love. Nothing is sincerity there. He just loves himself too much so he wants to do anything to keep you for STAY IN LOVE with him.
You left me cause you love me? You love her but you left her? Sounds ironic.





4. Liar is always be a liar.
Yes. there's a 2 typical of liar in this world: the white liar and the ugly liar. Most of the white liars are a very caring person so he used to be spontaneously lying if he got depressed or panick. It's like a habit. Cause all he thinks about is avoiding trouble by throwing a lies to make the things fine. And for the ugly liar is typically not really different. But the ugly liar is likely to put himself to be seen as a victim. He has his own purpose for himself so he throw a lies. It's actually not a habit but sometimes he's lying because he'd like to. You know what's the conclusion?
No matter who you are a lie is a lie. If it can happened more than twice then it probably 99.9% percents it will always happening. He lied her. Why do you think he won't do that to you? Are you sure you'll be totally happy to living with insecurities?





5. Consistency. Understand that nothings will achieve without consistency.
Ok let's say you gave him another one more chance. But the last chance. Things are going very well. You did all your best. Full of laugh and happiness. And suddenly, bomb, he flipped. I don't care if he's having like a personality disorder or something like bipolar that comes when he got depressed.... But one thing that you should know: love is not only about a feeling but a choice. If he says that he choosing you, in front of everyone, then he screw it off.....
You have no reasons to stay any longer with that person.
There are many proves how some parents and old couple are married and live happy ever after without through an intense dating before. Have you ever wondering how does it work?
it's called a commitment.
how do you know that this person will commit to you if almost every words and promises can suddenly turns out to be a bag of balls? He promised to not gonna leave her and abrakadayum he's coming back and begging to you, he left her, he's done with her, he promises to not gonna call her or her friends, he promised you to will never try to see her again, he promised you he will never come back to her. but then it's her again. After he gets her, then it's you again. Dafuqqq?
See that circle of karma ladies? It's ok to spent your time and said it as learning process.
But do realise, only fool falls at the same place for many times. It's like you open a book but you're not actually read that. Hati gajelas, komitmen ga bisa, apa yang bisa diandalkan?





6. Destiny is for losers.
Don't trap with word of "god has this planned, it's better like this" or "if we are meant to be, we will" that's just a word from the lazy asshole who never stop blaming things without making a choice to do anything to be something. Things are getting better or worse is depending by the act not a motivational quotes.
Yes, time heals. time is unpredictable. time has no limits. but you can't let time make a choice cause that's not a human. stop wasting your time with a guy who don't even know how to make his time worthy.




You all ladies are beautiful.
You deserved to be happy. There are a millions of guy who lives around this world.
Don't be that so desperate to stuck with a one fuck-boy.
Especially if he could making you to fight another innocence girl.
Like hello from the other side what's up with the cock dude???

Rabu, 20 Juli 2016

Destiny?



I once in love with a person who having a high emotional temper, a real gentleman and well-organized guy.
When at first time he threw a fire to me, i'm shocked and could only listening and shut in silence.

6 years been together. I became a good listener and maybe the most calmest girlfriend that he ever had. If i were mad at something i only cry and write. I can't yell at person, especially to him. Because i knew exactly how it feels, so i don't want to be a kind of a person like that.

It suddenly making me realise that because of him, i could becoming a person like who i am right now.

I was a spoiled little girl who always cry behind my mother's back. He made me to learn about independence. How he raise his voice when i was crying because something silly of me like
"YOU FOOL STOP CRYING, THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET YOUR SHIT DONE."

without him, i won't be a brave girl. moving here in Bali, far from my parents, and get all the shits done by myself. he always support me that i can always do things better... even when my self said 'i can't' but he always right there, helping me till i can stand by my own feet.

I was lucky to had you as my boyfriend and my big brother. 


Thank you.

For built me to be a good listener so i could be a person who could sits and enjoy every story of people.
Thank you.
For built me to be the one who never lose a shit so i could always be calm with every situation in front of me.
Thank you.
For built me to be neat so i could always organized every shits around me.
Thank you.
For be the very first one of everything. Everything.
So i could reborn to be a better of me, to open my mind widely and to always THINK first before act emotionally.


Leaving you was like walking out from a straight line.
The beginning of a real life.







Then i was in love with a person who has this comfortable smile, a caring person, and a complicated mind.
At first we begins as friends. we share every laugh and tears at the same place. like a lost stars.

1 year been his doormate. Half year as his secondary. And another half year as his (officially) girlfriend.
I'm following his mind on his up-side-down.
I'm aware that i'm a good listener, so i swallow every beautiful words and tears that he gave, which made me learn then to "never trust people easily".

He such a Mr. Nice Guy but in a lot of dark-side (i bet his previous ex knew this)
He shows me how to always care, how to always give. And to sacrifice.
I was a selfish person but with him i'm a selfless.
Cause our relationship is all about understanding HIM for us. (????)
And also with him, i learned how to laugh in sadnesses...
which suddenly... everything made me realise of what myself should deserve.

Without his complicated soul, i won't be wise.
Like how to feel what i really want and do the thing that i need to do.
No matter how bad he treated my feelings, he is the one who bring out the very best of me.
Even tho the moment i lost myself, he's there standing beside me... just watching me drowning with that "i feel sorry"-face.

For every laugh and every pain that we've been through, now i become a person who believe that things won't always lasts forever so it's important to feel enjoy and give the best for every moments in presence.
At least it's better to get disappointed when you already did your best than end-up wondering and dead in regrets.

So yeah. I was lucky to had you as my boyfriend and my lil' brother.
(Even tho you're 3 years older than me. It's right that age is not a point of maturity somehow)


Thank you.
For every situation that you put me through in it cause i could be your mother, sister, a problem solver, a psychologist, a lover, a best friend, a bitch, and the karma. All in one.
You're making me feel proud with myself.
Thank you.
For making me feel weak so then i could learn how to be stronger.
Thank you.
For how much you care about yourself by holding on and play with my feelings, so then i could learn to let go, to leave and love myself first.
Thank you.
For showing me a real pain so then i could know how to be happy for real.


Leaving you was like walking out from a circle.
The beginning of a better me.






------------------------------------------------------------------
God and time won't show you the way if you don't start building your own goddamn door.
Because destiny is not a matter of a chance but a choice.

To live is to learn,
keep wondering but love yourself.
🍻

#madamkintil


Selasa, 12 Juli 2016

This is not love story.

Look, I do appreciate your honesty, it's good because at least you respect me.

But what i really hate is the way how you built a trust and one second then you break your promise with a lot of excuses and call it love.
That's not a commitment from the beginning we've made, that's more likely a stupidity and a selfish act.

And the worst part is, you make it like it's ALL my choice and my fault.

Cause you're like:
"i love you but i need to leave for us and please wait for us but you can go away but well, can i still come? Why can't we be good? I love you."


--------------------------------------------

It's you.
and after all the things we've been through.
moved in together under the same roof for a half year....
i finally found you.
a real you.

--------------------------------------------



I was wrong about love.


Then i realise if i love you i should not have a need to change you.
even it's for your own good and for us.

I'm too busy to think of you till i can't even think about myself.
I fell in love with the idea of yourself, the image you've created.
I'm hurting myself by denying the truth about you.

You're an asshole. But i'm also an asshole. to myself.

I gave you a chances cause i let myself comfortable with the uncomfortable.
I let you hurting me.
Tell me? Is that a great love? No, baby, i can't do this anymore.
If losing you is the only way to find my way back to find myself.
I must say that's it... that's a great love.

At the end i learn,
a great love is not about how do you feel with a person but it's more like how he makes you feel about yourself.

The right one will make you feel right about yourself.
And he also feels right about himself.

And somehow you're always work out together.
That's how you meet the right one........... in a right time.



~ madamkintil